84 stories by "Trish Bendix"
The "Late Show" host quipped about Trump's latest target and plan to deploy federal troops to a "war-ravaged" Pacific Northwest.
"For the next couple of days, he's bangin' their mash," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday.
The "Tonight Show" host said the royal couple are the president's "second-favorite king and queen, next to Burger and Dairy."
"Every time he gets a chance to talk about it, he sounds likes one of my kids," Seth Meyers said.
Seth Meyers and other hosts talked about Charlie Kirk's assassination, denouncing political violence and incendiary rhetoric.
"There are hundreds of troops on the street and somehow they let a 34-time convicted felon just waltz into a restaurant," Jimmy Kimmel said.
President Trump's administration denied that he'd signed a lewd tribute to Jeffrey Epstein, but Jimmy Kimmel isn't convinced.
President Trump has renamed it the Department of War, "which is what people call the clearance section at TJ Maxx," Jimmy Fallon said.
The president said "wokesters" in the performing arts wouldn't be honored. "A 'wokester' sounds like a car your great-grandfather drove after the war," Meyers said.
"Trump loves talking about keeping criminal foreigners out of the country, and now he's like, 'Vladimir Putin, come on over,'" Jimmy Fallon said on Monday.
President Trump is hitting Brazilian imports particularly hard, which is "bad news for meat-based Americans," Stephen Colbert said.
Meyers said that if he saw Trump on his roof, he'd assume the president "was pulling a reverse Santa Claus. " you know, going house to house taking toys away from kids."
Cutting ties with Jeffrey Epstein because he hired away your spa staff is like taking Charles Manson off your guest list "because he wouldn't use a coaster," Meyers said.
Despite the Trump administration's support for proselytizing at the office, Stephen Colbert doesn't think it's a good idea.
The president said he "never had the privilege" of visiting Jeffrey Epstein's island. Fallon's take: "Trump's staff was like, 'A simple no would've been fine.' "
Josh Johnson said that "not since Tupac Shakur has a dead man dropped so many bangers."
Stephen Colbert feigned surprise at reports that the president had already been told he was in the Epstein files: "But he said he hardly knew the guy!"
The president's usual tactic when cornered is to "throw red meat to the carnivorous base " and their favorite cut is filet of Obama," Stephen Colbert said.
Jordan Klepper and other hosts poked holes in the president's claim that his uncle had been the future terrorist's professor at M.I.T.
People torched the hats in videos, apparently upset about the Jeffrey Epstein case. "People in China were like, 'Oh, come on, we worked so hard making them,'" Fallon said.
President Trump's most conspiracy-minded supporters can't believe he wants them to forget about the Jeffrey Epstein conspiracy theories.
"The Daily Show" host called the threat from an Iranian official "an attack on all of America, because now we all have to picture him with his bare belly glistening in the sun."
"Do you know how racist and antisemitic you have to be for Elon Musk to step in?" Anthony Anderson, sitting in for Jimmy Kimmel, asked rhetorically.
An endorsement from Benjamin Netanyahu for the Nobel Peace Prize is like "a Husband of the Year nomination from O.J. Simpson," the "Daily Show" host said.
The "Daily Show" host said the drama around President Trump's big policy bill was about as authentic as a World Wrestling Entertainment match.
